The Race

Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then be understood

2010-04-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

People for the most part want to be understood. You want to be understood, right? It is about communication, relationships and knowing how to say the correct things to the right people.
What are your intentions?
When you wish to communicate something to someone it may be for a number of reasons.

to vent out of anger or frustration - I took the golf team to the course to practice in the 15 passenger green van. There were plenty of parking spaces, so I parked next to the chipping area using two spaces so the door of the van would not open and hit any cars next to us. The extra space would allow the young players to get there clubs out without damaging vehicles or standing in the parking lot and potentially block cars from driving through. I thought I was doing a service to the golfing community. After an hour or so we returned and as the students were putting their clubs in the van a car came by slowly and a man had a frustrated look on his face. About 5 minutes later the same gentleman, came up to about 25 feet from us and yelled, "I do not see any other vans taking up 2 spaces." I told him I was trying to create space so our loading and unloading student's clubs would not damage other vehicles." He gave me an angry look and said, " Park in a spot further away where the van will fit." Then, he walked away. The man did not want seek to understand my position. He only wanted to vent a frustration.
to control your environment- I have known people who just talk because they are nervous or uncomfortable. By talking continuously, a person dominates the conversation or group. It paralyzes any meaningful interaction. They are not seeking to understand you, nor they may not even be seeking to be understood. Just the sound of their voice calms them and does not allow anyone to invade their happy space they have created. The other end of the spectrum is the person who does not want to understand your position and only demands your attention. This may be good in military situations, but awful in team setttings.
to seek to be understood - in seeking to be understood one must communicate in such a way that the listener will understand. Thus, it is good advise to first seek to understand your listener, by listening to them first. Seek to understand your audience. Ask questions to understand your audience. Restate what you think you are hearing in their response to your questions. Read their nonverbal reactions to your questions. Some call this empathic listening. The empathic listening responses are:

mimic content - just repeat what was just said
rephrase content - repeat, but in your own words
reflect feeling - express what you think the other feels
rephrase content and reflect feeling - combine the latter two

In doing so, you may alter or refine the way you deliver your content in such a way that your message will be understood.

Habit 4 - Think "Win-Win"

2009-10-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

I know what you may be thinking, "Win-Win in sports? How can that happen?" Competition in sports means a person or team either wins or loses. The concept of "Win-Win" really has nothing to do with the score, but in how you play the game. You can win the score, but loose the (sportsmanship) game.

How you play the game does matter in the long haul.

Think Win-Win teaches that the win-lose scenario has the attitude that says the pie of success is only so big, and if you get a big piece, then someone else gets the small piece. This person always has to win, appear to be the best, be on top, have the last word and is always right. Relationships, friendships, and loyalty are all secondary to winning the game, being the best, and having it your way. But in the end, win-lose strategy usually backfires. You may end up on the top of the totem pole, but you will be there alone with no friends or supporters.

The lose-win scenario makes you a doormat. Pretty much the only thing you are good for is to wipe your feet on. Its only purpose is to serve, be abused and get nothing out of the relationship. This does not mean avoid being a servant. A lose -win is fine if the issue is not that important to you. Just make sure you stand up for things that matter most.

The lose-lose scenario is a downward spiral. It is about revenge and getting back at someone who hurt you or someone close to you. It is much easier to seek revenge than to grant forgiveness. Lose-lose is not about winners, but losers. You need to decide which team you would rather be on.

Win-Win seeks to find the best in each person. Win the game graciously, lose the game with humilty. To Win means:

Playing your best whether you have the best score or not.
Acknowledging that someone or a team played better on that day is honorable.
You may not be satisfied with the score or your performance, but do not take it out on someone else.
Take responsibility, evaluate what you need to do to prepare better next ime, set some goals and press on to be your best.

Relationship Bank Account

2009-10-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

Do you want to have a better relationship with your parents? teachers? friends? family?, invest in the Relationship Bank Account (RBA). You make deposits that strengthen a relationship and withdrawls that hurt a relationship. The balance represents the amount of trust in your releationship.
A deposit you would like from someone, most likely will be different that a deposit you make with your parents. For example: a deposit with your parents would mean taking out the garbage or making your bed in the morning. You would see a deposit as, being able to stay up later to watch a TV show, or being allowed to spend the night at a friends house.

Deposits
Understand what is important to them
Tell the truth
Do the right thing
Do little things that no one may know about
Acts and words of kindness
Withdraws
Assume you know what is important, and miss
Lie and cover up
Wait till you are told
Forget to do something for someone
Acts and words or criticism or humiliation

The bottom line is to treat others as you would want to be treated. Put other's needs before your own. Show respect to everyone, even when you have been mistreated. Your character will stand out, people will notice and begin to do the same to you.

9a - The 4 Quadrants

2009-09-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

Quadrant 1 - The Procrastinator

Quadrant 1 represents urgent and important tasks. Some circumstances need immediate attention. There is nothing wrong to take care of an important need that just come up. What is unhealthy is to become addicted to the adrenaline rush that comes with doing everything the last minute. What is wrong with putting things off till the last minute? How do I know if I am a procratinator?

Do I cram for tests the night before a test?

Do I write papers the day before they are due and hardly have time to proof read them before turning them in to the teacher?

Am I late frequently?

I am not good at planning and organizing.

I am frequently preoccupied with one thing while I am doing something else.

I seem to rush between place and events.

I rarely have time (or save time) for myself.

I frequently wish that I had thought about things and acted sooner. Often I am just too late.

If the list above characterizes you, a procrastinator you may be.

Quadrant 3 - The Yes-Man

Quadrant 3 represents activities that are urgent but not important. People in this quadrant typically try to please others and have a hard time saying no. If you spend too much time in quadrant 3, you may get a reputation as a "pleaser." lack discipline, and feel like a dormat for others to wip their feet on.

The Yes-Man needs to prioritize their activities. Make a list of your activities with highest priorities first on the left side of the paper. On the right side of the paper, write down next the one of the high priorities what you will need to turn down, say no to, in order to fulfill a higher priority. By planning ahead, you can recognize the lower priority activity and say NO.

Quadrant 2: The Prioritizer
This quadrant is made up of activities like relaxation, building friendships, exercising, planning ahead, and doing homework. It is the quadrant of excellence - the place to be. Here you can plan, anticipate activities that will get you to your destination, avert activities and situations that will waste your time, recognize new opportunities and reduce time in the other quadrants.
The key is planning.
It is about putting FIRST THINGS FIRST.
It is learning to prioritize and manage your time so that your first things come first, not last. You may have good intentions, put actually doing them -putting them first -is the hard part. It means learning to overcome your fears and being strong during hard moments. Habit 3 is about will power (the strength to say yeas to your most important things) and won't power (the strength to say no to less important things and to peer pressure).
Write a list of all the tasks you do in a week: attening school, chores, sports, homework, hygiene, eating, going to appointments, sleeping, leisure activities, family time, time with friends, studying, traveling, working, time on computer, time playing video games, hobbies etc. Next to the tasks, write how many hours you spend doing these things a week.
Are you spending the time you need on the important tasks? What activities are keeping you from doing the important things? What can you adjust?
Get a planner or calendar and write down the important things you need to do this week. Spend 10 or 15 miniutes a day planning and evaluating if you were able to accomplish what you set out to do that day.

Quadrant 4: The Slacker
This is the trivial stuff, the busy work that does not need to be done. This includes opening all your junk email to see if they are from someone you know, staring at the TV or video games like a zombie. Time wasters. Stay out of this quadrant as much as possible. It will get you literally nowhere.

Part 9 - Habit 3: Putting First Things First

2009-09-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

Now that you have discovered the things you really like, identified talents and gifts and decided your firsts. You may have a clearer picture of who you are now and what you want to be in the future. Habit 3 is designed to help you put them first in your life. PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST is about learning to prioritize and manage your time so your first things are not neglected, but intentionally pursued.

"The first three habits build upon each other. Habit 1 says,"You are the driver, not the passenger." Habit 2 says,"Decide where you want to go and draw a map to get there." Habit 3 says,"Get there! Don't let roadblocks knock you off course."

Habit 3 is to help you overcome the obstacles; the fears in difficult moments in order to reach your destination. The habit will develop your will-power (the ability to say yes to your most important things) and won't-power (the strength to say no the less important things and to peer pressure).

Life is primarily made up of important moments and urgent moments.

important moments: your most important things, your first things, activities that contribute to your mission and your goals

urgent moments: pressing things, in-your-face things, activities that demand immediate attention

When these moments overlap they create situations that demand a decision. The 7 Habits has identified 4 time quadrants in which to place these moments.

The training says one should try to do the things in Quadrant 1 and 2. One should spend most of their time in Quadrant 2. If things are done in this quadrant, then one will prioritize activities they need to do the reach their goals; having the end result in mind.

Look at your last 7 days. Where have you been spending your time? Are you accomplishing the things that really matter?

Part 8a - The Crossroads of Life

2009-08-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

You are young; free. You have your whole life before you. You stand at the crossroads of life and you have to CHOOSE which path to take:

Do you want to go to college?
Do you want to get a job working most nights or tryout for the team?
What will my attitude be towards the school name change?
Should you take the harder AP course?
Who will you date? Will you date at all?
Will you drink, smoke or do drugs?
Will you have sex before marriage?
What will you stand for?
How will I contribute to my community?

All these questions and more were suggested in Covey's book. The paths you choose today will affect your future forever. It will shape you future. It is both frightening and exciting to have so many opportunities and directions to take your life. In his letter to the Romans, Apostle Paul explains there are forces at work in our lives that influence our decisions.

5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what
that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their
minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man[e] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind[f] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. - Romans 8:5-8

There is the dark force, that resides in everyone. By reading and hearing the news each day, we can see the horrific things people do to each other because they live to please their sinful nature; their instincts based on natural desires. God says people who are controlled by this nature live in bondage, their true image of themselves and who they would become is tarnished and it leads to death (not just physical death, but a hostility toward God and the loss of dignity as a human being.)

Earlier in the chapter it speaks of how one can break free from the bondage of the dark force and truly become free to be human; one becomes ALIVE as God intended.

1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a]
2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the
law of sin and death... 9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature
but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not
have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in
you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of
righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is
living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your
mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

So how does this help us make decisions? When one becomes ALIVE by the Spirit of God, one desires the things God desires. As one spends more time getting to know what is on God's heart; what His agenda is for humanity (which can be read in the Bible, experienced among other follower's of Jesus and in conversation with God in prayer.) One begins to make decisions based of the truth; the principles God has revealed to us to live a joyful and abundant life; a life of peace.

So, when those decisions come a school, friends, sex, alcohol, school, jobs, etc. , know what Jesus would do will help us make the right choices which will get us where we want to be and do in the future.

The 7 Habit training says to create a personal mission statement. It is like a personal motto pr creed that states what your life is about. In my junior or senior year in high school I was challenged to come up with a life verse. I did a lot of reading and searching in the bible. Philippians chapter 3 kept coming to mind as I was doing my search. I memorized verses 5-12 to really let it sink into my head. Then, verse 12 capture the depth of my being:

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made
perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of
me.

This became my life verse; my personal mission statement. It became the organizing principle; my center. The "press on" I could relate to because I am an athlete. In verse 13 it qualifies the intensity of this pursuit by saying, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead... ."

What was the pursuit? Not to follow my natural desires, but to take hold.

Take hold of what? To take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Wow! Jesus took hold of me; called me into his presence; his kingdom for a purpose. It is my mission in life to find out why? to discover the "that". As I strain toward that prize, God has revealed different levels of who I am and what I am to do. The "who I am" or my being is the most important "that" I have discovered in my journey of life. It is because of who God has created in me (my being), I can decide to do those things that please him in any job, task or situation I find myself. In return I find fulfillment and make life better for those around me. I "take hold" of what being human is all about, exercise those gifts and abilities He has revealed who I am to be a benefit others. It is because I have allowed the Spirit of God to show me the "playbook" for life I find joy and peace. I can make the world a better place one moment at a time.

But, like anyone on a journey, I am content but never satisfied. My favorite song from the U2's album, Joshua Tree, "I still haven't found what I am looking for?" is my theme song. I find joy and fulfillment along the journey, but if I stand and dwell on it for to long - I lose sight of the future. If this stage of life is "that" beautiful, I want to keep searching and discover more of why Jesus took hold of me.

Your personal mission statement will be different. It may be a word, a phrase, a statement, a poem, or a song. Read the chapter on Habit 2. Create a mission statement and begin your personal journey. You may tweak it off and on. It will give you clarity of purpose, it will keep you focused on what is important.

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained. - Philippians 3:12-16

Part 8: Habit 2- Beginning with the End in Mind

2009-08-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

The subtitle of this habit is, "Control your own destiny or someone else will." Beginning with the end in mind means developing a clear picture of who you want to be and what you want to do in life. It is not only talking about what you want to leave as a legacy 30 or 40 years from now. It is thinking about what you intend to to tomorrow and deciding what direction you want to go with your life and the necessary steps to take you in the right direction. It means getting into the driver's seat and determining where you want to go and how you are going to get there.

People do this all the time. They use recipes to cook and bake, draw up blueprints to build things, use maps (online maps) to show them the best way to get to a destination and create an outline when writing a research paper. Most people have an image of how they would want to look or be perceived by friends, family and teachers. To create that image, they have an end result in mind. They look at magazines, newpapers, the internet and celebrities to get a picture of how they want to look. They may watch movies, listen to certian kind sof music and go to certain events to get a feel for how they want to walk, talk and act. This is beginning with the end in mind. It is using one's imagination to come up with a desired result; a destination, if you will, of who they will be.

You can evaluate who you have been and what you have done this past week or past year. What perceptions have you left in people's minds? Did you have any conscience goals? What have you accomplished? How do you feel about yourself? How would other's describe who you are? What would other's say is most important to you? You cannot change what you have done inthe past. You can change what you do in the future.

Use your imagination and visualize yourself a year from now.

What have you done with your life over the past year?

How do you feel inside?

What do you look like?

What have you accomplished?

What characteristics do you possess?

The 7 Habits training uses a quote from Alice's Adventure in Wonderland to make the point in knowing where you want to go,

"Would you tell me please which way I ought to walk from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," says the Cat.
"I don't much care where-" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way to walk," said the Cat.

Many people do not see themselves as responsible for where they are going in life. They do not have a specific destination in mind. So, they live life at the mercy of others, whether it is whatever pop culture is promoting that week, pressure they feel from there friends, family, youth group or favorite TV show. They may think they are in control of their destiny, but it is being directed by outside influences.

So, if it is important to have the end in mind, how do you do it? The training says to create a personal mission statement. It may be short or long, poems or songs, but one thing it must be - it must be from you.

Part 7b: Growing proactive muscles

2009-08-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

Becoming a proactive person does not come naturally, nor easy. There are no short cuts to maturity and independence.

The Old Way Has to Go
17 -19And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. 20 -24But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.
- Ephesians 4:17-24 The Message

We need to exercise our spiritual muscles. As being a follower of Christ means not to be a follower of the crowd and the fads of the foolish. Pop culture has lost touch with God and the truth he has for his people. Getting rid of old habits that are reactive and irresponsible is hard work, needing new focus and a healthy dose of discipline. Putting on new habits and being proactive is difficult when others are trying to sabatage your efforts.

But don't let it faze you. Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers—why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk! There's nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us. -2 Timothy 3:14 The Message
This brings us to the next habit, "Begin with the End in Mind."

Part 7a - Listen to your language

2009-08-11T17:11:00.000-07:00

A way of identifying if you are a proactive or reactive person, listen to yourself speak. A reactive person may say something like this, after leaving their backpack coat, shoes and socks in the middle of the living room, laying on the couch watching MTV2.

"What mess? That's just the way I am." They may agree it is not the best place to leave their stuff, but they are also saying I am not responsible for the way I act.

"If my teacher wasn't being so unreasonable, life would be much easier." Again, not taking responsibility, blaming their teacher for all their difficulties.

"Boy, thanks alot, you just ruined my day. I wish we would have never moved here. I wish I had money to live in my own apartment." Here are examples where moods, things, circumstances control their happiness. They are saying in so many words, I am not in control of my own happiness; contentment is based on circumstances and things.

The reactive language takes the power away from you and places it in other things or situations. A illustration of a remote controller was used in the training. It is like your life is being controlled by a giant remote. When someone pushes the right buttons, your mood or attitude changes based on the signal. Proactive language put the remote control back into your hands. You are then can choice freely what channel you want to be on.

REACTIVE LANGUAGE

I'll try

That's just the way I am

There's nothing I can do

I have to

I can't

You ruined my day

A reactive person give the perception that they are victims. The training calls this "victimitis virus." Everyone is out to get them and make their lives miserable. It can be contagious when incontact with a crowd. Comments like:

"I am not getting good grades, the teacher does not like me."

"If the coach know anything about hoops, I would be playing right now."

"The ball keeps slipping out of my hands, it's not my fault I have 5 turnovers."

"I could have made that lay up , but my shoes slipped and made me miss."

The only person that is holding theis kind of person back is themselves. You may hear whining, blaming others, get angry, only change when they have to change and excuses.

PROACTIVE LANGUAGE

I'll do it

I can do better than that

Let's look at all our options

I choose to

There's gotta be a way

I'm not goin gto let your bad mood rub off on me

Proactive people have taken the time to think about situations they may face and decide, beforehand to respond a certain way. They take time to consider various options when confronted with a situation. Proactive people:

Are not easily offended

Take responsibility for their choices

Think before they act

Bounce back when something bad happenes

Always find a way to make it happen

Focus on what they can do and do not worry about the things they do not have control over

I have been coaching for many years. I hear the comments from players and can quickly determine which one may have a tendancy to be reactive and those who are proactive. It says alot about a player when they touch the line every time during the conditioning drill; if they do not touch half court during the warm up drill; if they complement a team mate on a good pass or if they never communicate; if they look me in the eyes while they speak to me; if their body language is saying, "Coach, I do not want to come out of the game"; or during a timeout they are looking into the stand and not listening to anything I am saying.

We cannot control everything that happens to us. But there is one thing we can control, that is how we respond to what happens to us. If we choose to be proactive, we will be in control of our lives.

Part 7: Habit 1 - Be Proactive

2009-08-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

Habit 1 stresses a person to take responsibility for their life.
They use a weather illustration to make a point.
Everyone carries their own weather. We make choices that determine if it will be a sunny (positive) day or a rainy (negative) dreary day. For example, when you choose to go to bed at a reasonable hour and get the sleep, food and exercise your body needs, you made a decision to give youself a chance to start the next day in a positive light. When you do small acts of kindness, look at the glass as half full, keep a promise you made, spend time in God's Word you make choices that prepare your life for warmth and light. These actions fall under the term Proactive; choices made that you have control over; that help you create your own weather, keeps you focused and centered.

When you respond to a situation without taking time to think about how to respond, or not understanding why you are responding in a certain way, you are being reactive. When you are reactive you are letting circumstances control your responses, which is easier to put the blame on others.

When you act proactively, you examine or have predetermined responses on how you would behave in certain situations. It means anticipating situations and imaging the responses you could make, then determining which is the most appropriate response at that time.

Does it mean you will always have the correct response all the time? No. But, you will have better control over your actions and learn how to best respond in the future.

For the most part, there is always a moment between the time we are confronted with a decision and the time we choose to respond. Use the space between the stimulus and the response to apply a principle which will bring about your desired result.

Reactive people allow outside influences (moods, feelings, and circumstances) to control their response. They have not taken time to think about their response nor a desired outcome.

Proactive people pause to choose their response based on principles and desired results. Their freedom to choose expands as they wisely consider many options of response. You may be saying, there isn't that much time for me to consider all the options before I need to make a response. Unfortunately, this is seldon the case. It is more like we have not trained ourself to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). It is more like, "I am caught off guard with this situation, so to defend my pride, I say or do something that discredits the person or situation and makes me look good."

Four Human Endowments
The 7 Habits training identify four qualities of "humanness" (I referred to Francis Schaeffer's term "mannishness of man" in an earlier post) which allows us this freedom:

Self awareness - one can stand apart from one's thoughts and feelings and is able to examine and change them.
Conscience - one is able to feel the inner prompting of what is right and wrong in something they are about to do.
Imagination - one can think ahead; visualize alternaive responses to obtain a desired result.
Willpower - the ability to act on one's decisions; to set and achieve meaningful goals in one's life.

Think of a situation where you consistently respond in a reactive way (lose patience, avoid confrontation, blame someone, lack discipline). Consider why you react in this way?

What is a better, more effective way to respond? Is there a response that would achieve the positive outcomes you desire. What is your commitment level to respond in this way next time you are confronted with this situation?

Use the gifts God has given you.

Part 6: Starting with the man in the mirror

2009-08-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

"Before you ever win in the public arenas of life, you must first win private battles within yourself. All change begins with you, and sometimes that is the hardest part." - 7 Habits Training
Have you every been asked, "What's wrong with you? Where is the (your name) I once knew?" Or told, "You are disappointing me.
How do you feel about yourself?
In the 7 Habits Training we discussed the PBA - Personal Bank Account.

Your personal bank account is like a bank into which you put all the good things that you do for yourself. It is a reserve that allows you to withdraw strength when things aren’t going so well.
Some of the things that build up your account are:

Keeping promises to yourself
Doing small acts of kindness
Being gentle with yourself when you make mistakes
Being honest with yourself and others
Renewing yourself
Tapping into your talents and developing them.

Some things that take strength away from your account are:

Breaking promises
Keeping to yourself
Beating yourself up when you make mistakes
Being dishonest with yourself and others
Wearing yourself out
Neglecting your talents.
So how are you doing?

Identify one easy task that needs to be done today. Decide when you will do it. Write it down and then make sure you accomplish it today.

All of us have an invisible savings account inside our heads. We make deposits and withdrawals from it everyday. Whenever we do something we intend to do, like exercising, eating right, completing a race, or be more positive, we make a deposit into our invisible account. Likewise, whenever we don’t meet our expectations or goals, we withdraw from this same savings account. The 7 Habits Training maintains that the balance of that bank account is what gives us true self-confidence and trust in ourselves. We draw upon past accomplishments to increase our strength and overcome current challenges. The more deposits we have, the more likely we are to follow through on future plans.

Part 5: Primary vs Secondary Greatness

2009-07-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

The subject of GREATNESS was discussed during the 7 Habits training.

When you see and hear the news and entertainment headlines they mostly report on the secondary greatness of individuals. Those individuals who have been recognized for their social talent or accomplishments. The great athlete, politician, comedian, reporter, teacher, student, actor, hero or whatever recognition a person accomplished in a role in life. It is the OUTSIDE of the person we are viewing.

"I am not suggesting that elements of the personality ethic - personality growth, communication skill training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking - are not beneficial, in fact sometimes essential for success. I believe they are. But these are secondary, not primary traits. To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school. You sometimes get by, perhaps even get good grades, but if you don't pay the price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you study or develop an educated mind. Many people in leadership roles with greatness -- that is, social recognition for their talents -- lack primary greatness or goodness in their character. Sooner or later, you'll see this in every long-term relationship they have, whether it is with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through an identity crisis. It is character that communicates most eloquently. Ezinearticles - John Meredith, May 25, 2009

Primary greatness has to do with the INSIDE of a person; one's character. A person must not think of their self-worth based on their accomplishments or any other outward action. They may reveal a person's character, but they can be also a false portrayal of a person.

"When the basic source of a person's definition of himself is the social mirror, he may confuse the mirror reflection with his real self; in fact, he may begin to believe and accept the image in the mirror, even rejecting other, more positive views of himself unless they show the distortions he has come to accept." - Seven Habits of Effective People, Stephen Covey

One must not confuse their "doing" as the source of their identity. It is found in their "being". Being has to do with the INSIDE; the character of a person. It starts with the Ultimate Being; our Creator. God created man in his image, all people bear the image of God in their being.

Knowing we were created, we need to go to the Creator to see who we ought to "be." Only then will our true character; our real identity will be revealed and grow in Christlikeness. To be like Christ is who we ought to "be-like." His life in us must me mastered, then we will mirror Christ to the world.

Part 4: What is effectiveness?

2009-07-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

The topic of effectiveness is addressed during the training. The term P/PC is used.

P = Production and PC = Production Capability.

They use the illustration of the Goose That Laid the Golden Egg.

The Production Capability would be the Goose. The Goose is the resource that produces the golden egg. Properly caring for the Gooses is best way to get golden eggs each day - which is the Production.

"Effectiveness is getting superb results today (production) in a way that allows us to get those results over and over again (production capability). It is P/PC Balance."

Properly maintaining, preserving and enhancing the resourses we have at our disposal will most likely bring about our desired results.

List 3 results you are responsible for in your life (as a son, daughter, student, employee, Christian, citizen)?

How do the four resources below help you produce the desired results?

Physical

Finanacial

Human

Technological

An example, I am a son who is responsible to mow the lawn once a week. This requires my physical resources. I earn an allowance which helps me buy the things I need and want (financial). I depend on my parents (human resource) to pay me the allowance. The lawn mower (however technologically advanced it is, helps me to cut the grass quickly and neatly.)

What are could I be doing to maintain, preserve and enhance these resources?
Physically, I need to get the proper food, rest and exercise. Do not put my life in a dangerous situation. etc.

Financially, save some of the money I earned. Plan for future expenses and purchases.

Human, respect my parents view point, communicate with them, participate with them in family events, thank them for the allowance - building a good relationship with them

Technology, check the oil in the mower regularly, be sure the blade is sharp, wash the mower after using it. etc

I know this may seem like a lot of work comming up with the details, but once you do, you will become effective in getting the same desired results in the future.

Part 3: Principles govern

2009-07-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

This is another truth taught during the 7 Habits training. "Principles are self-evident natural laws. We get superb results when we align our paradigms with principles of effectiveness. When we understand these principles, they empower and enable us."

As defined by Webster, "a: to control, direct, or strongly influence the actions and conduct of b: to exert a determining or guiding influence in or over."

Principles are:
* universal, not situational
* timeless, not temporary
* objective, not subjective
* at work whether we like it or not

An example used to demostrate principles in growing potatoes. The question was asked, "Which principles govern the process of growing quality potatoes? Answers like:

long preparation to get the soil right
take what is given (we have no control of the weather or other natural conditions)
there are no shortcuts, do it right
human element cannot be replaced
time commitment
may do everything right, but the crop does not produce

If we want to mature, what principles will govern the process of growing a quality life? This will be discussed later. The important thing to understand now is as we work in light of sound principles, we can establish new habits and thereby create the results we aspire to acheive.

We need to examine the principles by which we live at this moment. Like paradigms, we may not think we live by principles, but we do whether we know them or not. We need to take time to recognize them and decide if they are the correct influences which will take us where we want to go in life.

How do we know there are universal principles that are true to everyone throughout all time? How do we know we know anything? This is the philosophical question of epistemology - how do we know truth. Not just truth but, as Francis Schaeffer would say "true truth." Schaeffer would say, "because of the God who is there."

This always brings me to the questions of origins. Were we created by an Eternal Almighty Being who defined these principles so we could live life abundantly (a map to guide mankind); who created man in His own image and gave us our humaness? Those qualities that set us apart from all other creatues Francis Schaeffer refers to as "the mannishness of man"; a desire for real love and significance.

Or, did we evolve from inanimate matter which, we have been told, has always existed. If this is so, then humaness is an accident and there is no map to guide us to abundant living. Everyone can do what is right in his own eyes. There is no universal, absolute right or wrong. (Read Matter Matters article in Christianity Today.) As humans we have an innate sense of right and wrong. With out acknowledging the God who is there, who has the authority to dictate what is right and wrong; what is truth and untruth, the powerful or majority will control and influence. They will determine what is right, what is the truth - and if history says anything, humans cannot be the final authority on these matters. It brings death, poverty, manipulation and destruction.

If one observes the universe around them, they can see the naturals laws God has set in motion. If one looks inside one's self, they can feel the needs only God can satisfy and guide them in truly living a fulfilled, significant life.

Part 2: Examine your paradigm

2009-07-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

How do you examine your paradigm; the way you see life? A first step maybe to look for times and events in your life when your world was shaken! You may have witnessed a dramtic event, come close to dying, experienced the death of someone close to you, a victim of a crime, or saw someone or something in a new light, learned new information that changed the way you think or perceive something. It may be something small or huge. You have an ah ha! moment. The lights seem to have turned on and, how you perceived something in the past, is now seen differently. This is may be the beginning of a paradigm shift. This term has its roots in the scientific field, but can be used in this case to describe the a change in one's basic assumptions about the way they see something.

Try to think of an event or circumstance that caused you to question some basic assumptions you may have had in your life.

What did you learn that changed your paradigm or pasic assumptions?
How did that prardigm shift affect your behavior? Think in terms of what you decided to do or do differently as a result of that understanding or experience?
What results or desired results did you get?

If we relate back to the SEE-DO-GET model concerning obeying the speed limit, I can illustrate my point. AT ONE TIME, I may have seen the highway as my personal race track. I could do whatever I wanted to do, as long as I did not get caught. Let's say, one day I was speeding in a residential area and could not stop in time to avoid hitting a dog that was chasing a ball that rolled into the street. The death of the dog and the grief I saw in the little boy's face who owned the dog changed my basic assumption that the highway was my personal race track. I saw that it was also someone's playground as well.

The way I saw driving a car changed, my actions (behavior) when driving the car changed, the results will help to avoid this tragedy ever happening again. This was a paradigm shift in the way I drive. Our results are affected by our pardigms and behaviors.

Here the term principles need to be explored. Our basic assumptions about the way we see things need to be expressed in principles which keep us focused on the right course.

Part 1: The way I see it

2009-07-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Recently I finished a 7 Habits for Effective People training for the school where I teach. In order to process the information I decided to write about it in The Race. I seldom take time to reflect on why I do the things I do. This training is forcing me to, gladly, do so again.
As an introduction, the training says, "Our personality is what people see first. Although our image, techniques and skills can influence our success, the real source of lasting effectiveness lies in strong character - which are the roots of our personality."
This brings up in my mind Friedman's quote in his book "Failure of Nerve" when he says,

There are two distinct ways of leading. One depends on the accumulation of information, data and techniques when synthesized will give direction for a leader. The other, relies on the “their presence, the nature of their being, not in the storehouse of data or armamentarium of technique. The key to leadership, therefore, is not how a leader manages others but how a leader manages him- or herself.” Freidman calls this “leadership through self differentiation.”

SO, our energy in running the race should go to our own character development. It is for the most part unseen, but ultimately significant if we are to see fruit in our lives (which is what people see the most.) Character, like a foundation to a house, is necessary to protect the house from the storms, diasaters, and whatever people and nature has to throw at it. Our life, our personality will be only as good as the character it is built on to weather the storms and challenges of life.

The training introduces people to paradigms. A paradigm is defined as "the way we see, understand and interpret the world; our mental map." We are challenged to articulate our view of the reality; how we see the world and where I fit. Everyone has a view of the world, whether they know it or not. We DO things based on how we SEE reality. For example: if we understand (see) the importance of going the speed limit driving down the highway, then we will drive (behavior) at or under the speed limit. As a consequence (result), we will be a safer driver and avoid getting a speeding ticket.

This is what is called the SEE-DO-GET model. "The results we get in life depend on what we do. What we do in life depends on how we see the world around us."

The question before us is, "what have we been conditioned to see?" Our view of the world; life and how it ought to be lived has been conditioned by our upbringing, environment, and experiences. Who are we listening to?
We need to examine our paradigms.

YOUTH- AND SCHOOL-BASED SPORTS

2008-12-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

Media Scrutiny Can Magnify Misbehavior

Is poor sportsmanship worse than ever? Two authorities say no. It’s just more visible.“Athletes today cannot afford the same misconduct on (and off) the field as they once could,” wrote Nate Barnett, owner of Your Sport Guru, a sports information website. “That is why positive sportsmanship is so much more important in today’s technological society.”He cites three reasons:
1.Fifteen years ago, there were no cellphone cameras or YouTube. The capability to capture, upload, attach, and send video clips did not exist then. Today, someone is always is watching – and filming.
2.Sports such as baseball are more popular today, and college and pro teams are pickier about which players to select. Result: If any phenom with baggage does something dumb, hundreds of kids are poised to take his or her place.
3.Bad sportsmanship equates to mental immaturity. As kids progress, the sports they play get tougher and the pressures mount. The more mentally mature a player is, the better his or her chances to stand out and advance.
Hall of Fame quarterback and Heisman Trophy runner-up Don McPherson believes that increased media exposure has actually made college and pro athletes better behaved than in years past. “The athletes in my day would not be able to handle the media scrutiny,” he told the Oregonian. Where misconduct has gotten worse, he says, is among youths. “If we don’t proactively teach what we expect out of sports, then the message of the larger sports culture is going to teach them something more dangerous. ”

[ezinearticles.com, 6/3/08; blog.oregonlive.com, 10/20/08]

take every thought captive

2008-01-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

Take every thought captive to the obedience to Christ to deny Satan the foothold to place lies into your heart & mind.

Some words or situations (bad day at work, loss of confidence, untruthful comments, students say they are not learning anything, etc) trigger thoughts that take us down the road to forget the truth about how God sees us.

When we are lonely, we may begin to believe lies about who we think we are in this world. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not good enough at our job, not good enough in our relationships, etc.

When one says it long enough, one may begin to believe the lies as truth. Keeping God’s truth close to our heart and mind will keep The Deceiver from taking hold of us and destroy us from the inside out.

Recognizing who He is and who we are in Him – we can live accepted, secure and significant.
The temptations Jesus experienced in the wilderness are the same temptations we face each day – the flesh, power and world.

Who I Am In Christ

I am accepted...

John 1:12
I am God's child.

John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:1
I have been justified.

1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.

1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a member of Christ's body.

Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.

Colossians 1:13-14
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.

Colossians 2:9-10
I am complete in Christ.

Hebrews 4:14-16
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

I am secure...

Romans 8:1-2
I am free from condemnation.

Romans 8:28
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.

Romans 8:31-39
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4
I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6
I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20
I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

I am significant...
John 15:5
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6
I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10
I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

"The more you reaffirm who you are in Christ, the more your behavior will begin to reflect your true identity!"(From Victory Over the Darkness , by Dr. Neil Anderson)

a child is born

2007-12-31T18:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas is always a great time for family to get together and enjoy each other's company. We were able to attend PBF's Christmas Eve Service. We were reminded of the miracle of God invading the natural realm in the form of a baby. Nothing spectacular from the world's perspective but, awe inspiring for the shepherds and wisemen. Jesus was content with the position in life he was given.
We all should rejoice in the simple things life has to offer. We need to be content where God has placed us in life. Like Jesus, we need to be faithful being Christ in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Living like Christ will bring us the greatest joy. Luke 1 & 2.

it's all about God stupid!

2006-11-21T22:08:00.000-08:00

During the 1992 Clinton campaign, a slogan surfaced to get people's attention,"It's the economy stupid." It must of had some success geting people to focus on the issue. An evangelical thinks Christians should have a similar slogan written on their foreheads or on their shirts that states,"It's about God, stupid!"

What are we about? What are you about? Our culture says, "Life is all about you." We are convinced, "It's all about me." What does God, our Creator, our Designer, what does He say about the subject?

Eph 3:19 -
and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Eph 5:18 -
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.

Colossians 3:16 -
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

It's all about God the Father, Son and Spirit.

Colossians 2:7
You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

Let's not have to have a stupid slogan on our foreheads. Let's remind each other and encourage each other to live for Jesus and pray we become more like Him. Let's stay focused on Jesus:

Colossians 3:1-3 -
1 So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. 2 Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ - that's where the action is. See things from his perspective. 3 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life - even though invisible to spectators - is with Christ in God. He is your life

Happy Thanksgiving

Living in Community

2006-11-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Jean Vanier was born in Canada. After his career as a naval officer, he felt moved to change his life. He earned a doctorate in moral philosophy and in 1964 invited two men with Down's Syndrome to leave the institution and live with him. The simple act has turned into the L'Arche movement. The relationships he developed changed his life.

"Living with men and women with mental disabilities has helped me discover what it means to live in communion (community)with someone. To be in communion means to be with someone and to discover that we actually belong together. Communion means accepting people just as they are, with all their limits and inner pain, but also with their gifts and their beauty and their capcity to grow: to see the beauty inside of all the pain. To love someone is not first of all to do things for them, but to reveal to them their beauty and value, to say to them through our attitude: "You are beautiful. You are important. I trust you. You can trust yourself." We all know well that we can do things for others and in the process crush them, making them feel that they are incapable of doing things by themselves. To love someone is to reveal to them their capacity for life, the light that is shining in them.

Measuring True Spirituality

2006-11-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

People who are alive:

Experience a full inner life because of knowing God

Are passionate, primarily about knowing God personally - (John 17:3)

Manifest humility and acknowledge a healthy dependence on God - (John 15:5; Romans 12:3)

Demonstrate contentedness and stability, joy and delight - (Proverbs 19:23; Philippians 4: 11 b-12)

Understand themselves as those who possess a unique set of gifts, strengths, and weaknesses - (Psalm 139)

Are able to think clearly and to experience a full range of emotion - (John 11 :33-35; 2 Corinthians 10:5)

Cultivate rich relationships with God and others

Hear and respond appropriately to God in love, obedience, and repentance with minimal coercion - (John 14:21,23)

Demonstrate empathy that leads to appropriate action - (John 11 :33-35)

Effectively engage with other people without being preoccupied with themselves - (Philippians 2:3-4; Hebrews 10:24-25)

Seek godly wisdom and counsel - (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Pay careful attention to "invisible, eternal reality" beyond "visible, temporary reality" - (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Demonstrate a sense of Purpose and Vision

Understand their own "story" (how their longings, wounds, and life themes enable God's plan for their lives) - (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Create a perspective on what God desires to accomplish regardless of their experience - (Hebrews 11: 13-16) Demonstrate confidence in God through boldness of action - (Jeremiah 17:7)

Recognize that they are dead to domination of sin - (Romans 6: 11; 1 Peter 2:24)

Pursue dreams with commitment and endurance - (Acts 20:24; Philippians 3:13-14)

Life's journey with purpose

2006-11-08T14:54:00.000-08:00

Life is about learning to love.

Sounds good. Can a person learn to love? Depends on one's definition of love.
Is there a universal, unchanging definition for love? Or are we left to our own finite understanding?

As always, if society creates standards based on our whims and wants a slippery slope is created and definitions change based our mood or situation. Where do we find true love?

Life is all about love and relationships - with God and others.

God has told us and showed us how to love through Jesus.

Learning to love is life's most important lesson.

Jesus called it the "greatest commandement" (Matthew 11:28)

Love God, and then love others. Love God first. When we learn who God is and what he says love is, then we learn how to love others the way it was inteneded.

Can you measure spirituality?

2005-05-01T15:49:00.000-07:00

I have been supporting and attending our church for over 30 years. I love the fellowship and support I have received. There have been dificult times, it is to be expected, and good times. I believe one must be commited and engaged in a community of believers if they are to grow in their faith and mature in their mandate to love God and love one another. I pray I have been able to give back to others as much as I have received.

The tension I have wrestled with, as a coach the past 13 years, is the decreased time I have to spend with the body of believers I am committed to nurture and the time I am out in the community coaching high school basketball.

Can this it a sign of spiritual maturity or backsliding?

Obviously one cannot determine growth or atrophy by one aspect of a person's life. So what are the other indicators that can shed light on the subject of spiritual maturity?

George Gallup speaks of four markers from his experience polling churches through the years: "beliefs, practices, attitudes, and lifestyle. Those indicators tell you whether a person has a transforming, integrated faith or just a statement of faith. The test is in the action. The deeper one goes - from belief to lifestyle - the more obvious are the markers."

Spirituality is not a checklist you check off and say you have it or you do not. If you can quantify it then you probably process less of it than you should. You can not capture the wholeness of spirituality with a checklist. It is a matter of the heart. There may be indicators, but the reall issue is with the heart.

Spiritual maturity is an ongoing process; a journey we are on in this life which flows into the life after death. It is the matter of the heart. Has my beliefs affected my practices and attitudes in this journey? It will show or be lacking in my lifestyle. If my belief is that God has gifted me in areas that further his kingdom through coaching, then it needs to be seen in my lifestyle.

Am I becoming more like Jesus? Am I challenging or inspiring those who I coach to consider following Christ? Am I encouraging those who are believers to continue in the race? Am I doing what Jesus would do to make His Father known in my words and deeds? If I am, I am maturing in the faith. I am doing His will on earth as it is in heaven.

Lessons on the way to state tournament

2005-03-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

3/1/2005
On the ride over Al Valencia’s mother passed away. We knew she could die before he left for the tournament. He and his family discussed what to do if this happened. We were in Ritzville. We stopped at Zips to stretch our legs and get shakes. Al did not come in with the rest of us. He was driving a vehicle with our bags. Bev came up to me and said that Al received a call about 30 minutes before telling him of his mother’s death. She asked if it was alright to tell me, he said it would be fine.
When she informed me, we called the team together and went to Al to offer our condolences. We prayed as a group together. We grieved and mourned with Al for a period of time. We learned of our mortality and frailty.

3/2/2005
A busy day was ahead of us. We visited the Discovery School in Spokane on behalf of the WIAA’s TEAM UP program to address the kids in the areas of sportsmanship, academic excellence and character. We put on a mini-basketball clinic. Some of the kids learned the drills and asked questions about being a student-athlete. Adam spoke on AE, Erk on C, and Jesse on sportsmanship – they all did a great job.When we were done the 3rd and 4th grade challenged the team to a game of bump. The guys couldn’t say no. Jesse was the first one out there. There was a big line and it took some time to get through them all. Jesse, David and one student were left. Jesse was going up for a shot and was undercut by the student and landed on his back. He got up shaking and massaging his wrist. I thought – oh no headline read, “ JR breaks wrist at state tournament playing bump with school children.” He ended up being fine. We learned about the gift of sharing our life; our light with others.

3/3/05
Today I thought what lesson God would teach us today. Just before leaving our room for the arena it hit me. The boys were going to see the fruit of their labor – a victory to insure them of a trophy!

Press on Toword the Goal

2005-02-04T22:03:00.000-08:00

Everyone is guided by something. We either know who or what guides us or we run blindly through life thinking we are a free spirit and free from any sort of influence. Look at the style clothes you wear, the toothpaste your use, the kind of food you eat, your hair style, what music you listen to and the movies you watch. You have been influenced to choose those things. The question to ask is, "Where is it taking you?"

Paul, a follower of Jesus said, "..I count all things loss for Christ." He goes on to reject fame and fortune as a way to define meaning and purpose in life. "I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." Philippians 3:12.

God calls individuals to himself for a purpose. I found early on in life, trusting Christ provides guidance in this journey of life; this race. It will take a lifetime to discover all its riches and an eternity to fully understand its depth.

Read the letter to the Philippians to see Paul's passion for life in Christ.

The Race

2005-02-04T06:50:00.000-08:00

The Race is about my journey through life. We all are in a race, but do we know where we are going and how to get there. These are my thoughts and experiences in life. I hope it can be helpful for those who are running the race and for those watching from the sidelines.